


Is This Just Me?

by cindyminty



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Derek is a Failwolf, F/M, Growing Up, Kid!Stiles, Letters, M/M, Mates, Oblivious!Derek
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-08 11:13:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1131968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cindyminty/pseuds/cindyminty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At birth, everyone is entered into the Soul Mate System where they are matched with the person who is supposedly their soul mate.  At twelve, each person receives a letter telling them the name of and relevant information about their soul mate.  </p><p>On Stiles twelfth birthday, he receives his letter.  His soul mate it Derek Hale, the same Derek Hale whose family burned two years ago.  He hasn't been seen around Beacon Hills since the fire, so Stiles writes him a series of letters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Au Revoir Simone - Tell Me (Clock Opera Remix)

Dear Derek,

This is Stiles.  Your soul mate.  I guess your Letter would tell you my real name, but I prefer Stiles.  Maybe it tells you that too.  It’s weird, thinking about all the stuff they wrote about me in your Letter.  What kind of stuff did your Letter tell you about me?  Did it tell you about my family?  Or my friends?  Did it tell you about my ADHD?  I kinda hope not, that makes me seem like a spaz.  I don’t want you to think that before we’ve met.  I’m not weird, I promise.

Today is my twelfth birthday, so of course I got my Letter today!  I guess you’ve figured that out by now, but I just had to say it.  I couldn’t believe it said your name.  I mean, I know all about your family and the fire (my dad’s a deputy, but I guess you probably know that too).  I feel kind of bad now, that I snooped around your old house (sorry!) knowing you’re supposedly my soul mate or whatever.  Scott, my best friend, and I went in there once because we thought there might still be dead people inside.  There wasn’t and we got in loads of trouble when my dad found out.  He told Scott’s mom, and we weren’t allowed to play video games for two whole weeks!  He said we should be more respectful about other people’s property, even if those people aren’t around anymore.  Sorry again.   

I didn’t really believe I would get a letter, even though everyone gets one.  I thought I would be one of the people that don’t get a match.  I was so scared the letter would be blank! I mean, I know that’s rare, since everyone is in the system since birth, and it’s pretty unusual for someone to not have a match, but still.  It could have been me (thankfully it wasn’t). 

Anyway, I know all about you now!  I read all the info they gave me with the letter as soon as I could (I had to escape my birthday party first).  Dude, you’re awesome!  You’re a werewolf!  I didn’t know those existed, but since the Letters never lie, I guess they must be real.  You must be real.  That’s so cool!  How does it work?  Do you turn into a full wolf every month?  Was your whole family like that too?  It told me you had a huge family, so were they all the same as you?  It must have been fun having a big family, especially being werewolves.  Sorry if you don’t want to talk (think? write?) about your family, but I have a small family, so I don’t know what it’s like to have siblings.  Did you go running around in the woods?  Is that why you guys lived way out on the preserve?  Oh man, I really want to know now.  If you ever come back to Beacon Hills, you _have_ to tell me.  Don’t worry, though, your secret is safe with me.  The Letter said that this was a huge secret, and I can’t tell anybody, but even without that little warning I wouldn’t have told.  I’m supposed to keep the Letter confidential, since I haven’t technically met you yet.  But hopefully I will soon. Since I turned twelve and got my Letter, you can talk to me now, right?  I get that you weren’t supposed to tell me or anyone else since I wasn’t supposed to know yet, but now you can come back to Beacon Hills and meet me officially!  Yay!

Since this letter will never actually reach you (I don’t know your address since you left) I can tell you whatever I want right? I’m going to.  So, I know today is my birthday, and I’m supposed to be happy and oblivious to everything besides presents and cake and the Letter in the mailbox, but I just can’t.  My parents have been acting weird lately, and I can’t focus on birthday stuff.  My mom keeps going out, saying she’s visiting Melissa at the hospital.  I don’t believe she’s telling me the truth, because dad gets this sad look on his face whenever she leaves.  She always comes home looking sick, like she’s going to throw up.  Sometimes she does.  I try to ask her what’s wrong, but she always to straight to sleep (when she is done puking).  She’s tired all the time too.  Also, I think her hair is falling out.  I keep finding pieces of it in the trashcan.  Does that mean she’s sick?  I think they are trying to hide something from me.  I’m going to find out what it is.  Leave it to me and my super sleuthing skills!

Since I’m writing whatever I want, Scott got his Letter a couple months ago.  He hasn’t told me the name or anything, which means he hasn’t met this girl yet.  I hope they come along soon, he seems really excited.  All he’s told me is that it’s a girl, and she’s a year older than us.  He isn’t allowed to tell me anything else until he meets her.  I’m excited for him.  But he has to wait, while I already know who my soul mate is! Aren’t I lucky?  Although we haven’t met yet.  I hope you come meet me soon!

Your soul mate,

 

-Stiles Stilinski

 

* * *

 

 

“You wrote a letter?”

“Sure did!  I had to introduce myself, let him know I’m not weird, you know.”

“Hmm,” Stiles’ mother hummed.  “Do you know this person? A boy, I assume?”

“Kinda, I guess.  I’ve heard of him, heard his name mentioned, but I’m not allowed to tell where.  That’s against the rules, right?”

“If you haven’t met him yet then you can’t tell anyone.  Just keep it in your heart until you meet him.”   She put a finger to her smile like she was keeping a secret.

Stiles nodded seriously, clutching the envelope closer to his chest.  He watched as his mother went into the study, coming back with a box in her hands.  It was simple, wooden with a small silver clasp to hold the lid in place.  She reached out, offering it to Stiles.  He took it while looking up at her in confusion. 

“Is this for me?”  He asked as he opened the box, revealing soft plum-colored fabric on the interior.

“No, darling, this is for the boy who is going to receive that letter.”  Pointing to the letter Stiles was still holding.  “I wrote letters to your father before I met him also.  I kept them all in this box until our wedding, when I gave that box to him.  You can do the same.  Write letters to your other half and keep them in here until you decide to give them to him.”

Stiles kept studying the box as if it would show him all the secrets of the universe.  After a couple more minutes of staring, he put the envelope in the box and shut the lid, letting the clasp fall into place.  He looked up at is mother.

“Now go put it somewhere safe.  It’s meant for the most important person in your life.”

With that, Stiles ran up to his room.  He set the box carefully on his bed before looking around for a place to put it where it would be safe from his flaily tendencies, Scott’s overexcitedness, and any other potential dangers.  He settled with putting at the top of his bookshelf, where he could see it, but it would be generally out of reach.  He just looked at it for another minute before racing back downstairs. 

Stiles found his dad sitting at the kitchen table and went over to join him. He looked at Stiles expectantly, waiting for him to talk first. 

“What?  Is there something you’re expecting me to say?”

“Are you going to tell me about him?  What you can at least?  It seems you’ve already told your mother a few things.”  Stiles father probed him for information. 

“Well, I can’t tell you much, but I can tell you that it is definitely a guy, and that he is a few years older than me.  And I think I can get away with telling you that he lives, or at least used to live in Beacon Hills, but I haven’t actually met him yet, obviously.  But from what the Letter told me, he seems like a pretty cool guy.”  Stiles spoke excitedly.  This was his _soul mate_ they were talking about.  The perfect person for him.  How could he not be excited?

“Did your mother give you the box?”

“Yep.  I even have a letter in it already.  I had to write something to introduce myself, even though we’ll already know each other by the time he reads them.”

“That’s great, kid.  Make sure to keep it safe.  That box holds some precious materials.”

“I will.” Stiles affirmed, nodding seriously.  “I already put it on my bookshelf.  I’ll keep it safe, don’t worry.”

“I wasn’t worrying.  You know how important that box is, even without me or your mother telling you.  It’s in good hands, now.”  The Deputy gave his son a proud smile.

Stiles beamed back at him, thrilled that his dad trusted him enough to give him such a precious gift.  His dad must have loved that box, since it had once held letters from his mother.  He wouldn’t let anything happen to his father’s (well now, his soul mate’s) letter box.

“I hope your mother and I will get to meet this young man soon, kid.” 

“Me too, Dad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Guys! This is my first work, so any comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Derek,

It’s me again.  Not that it would be anyone else.  I’m sorta the only one who writes you letters, probably.  A lot has happened since the last time I wrote, so I should fill you in.  

First, it’s almost my birthday again.  I have two weeks until I turn thirteen!  I’ll officially be a teenager.  My dad says I’ll be one annoying teenager.  He’s probably right.  Whatever, I’m super awesome and I know it.  Not even my dad can tell me different.  But I’m getting off topic.  It’s been almost a year since I turned twelve and you haven’t come to see me yet.  I know you’re allowed to talk to me now, so why haven’t you?  Is it because you I live in Beacon Hills? Where your family died?  I guess I can understand if that’s the reason.  But still, if I knew where you were, I would want to meet you as soon as possible.  But maybe that’s just me. 

Anyway, moving on to the second thing.  There’s been a lot of talk at school because some people have already met their soul mates!  I guess that’s probably pretty normal, but wow.  We’re twelve (almost thirteen!) and they already know the person they’ll marry.  You probably don’t know these people, but I’ll tell you anyway, since this is my letter.  Erica Reyes, that girl who had seizures, her soul mate is Boyd.  I don’t think that’s his real name.  Maybe it’s his nickname?  I guess it doesn’t really matter.  Anyway, those two are best friends now.  I don’t really know either of them, but I do notice that they spend a lot of time together.  I mean, a _lot_ of time.  I hardly ever see them apart.  But that’s probably what I would do if I had met you already.  They’re not the only ones who know their soul mate though.  The other couple is kinda weird.  It’s the perfect, wonderful Lydia Martin and Jackson Wittemore.  He’s a jerk.  I feel bad that Lydia will have to spend the rest of her life with someone like him.  I mean, she’s perfect and beautiful and smart, and he’s just awful.  He’s mean and rude and I don’t like him at all.  But they both seem happy.  So I guess I can’t judge. 

The third thing I have to tell you isn’t as great as the other two.  My mom has to stay at the hospital for a while.  Apparently, she has cancer.  I figured that out pretty soon after the last letter.  Once I got on the computer, it was pretty clear what the symptoms meant.  But this is worse than I thought.  I didn’t think she would have to stay in the hospital.  That means it’s bad, right?  The doctors keep telling me she’ll be alright, but I don’t believe them.  If she was going to get better she wouldn’t have to stay at the hospital.  At least, that’s what I think.  I miss her.  It’s weird here at home when she’s not here.  It’s lonely.  The house feels empty.  Not that my dad isn’t great, he’s just not the same.  Do you know what I mean?  I haven’t told anyone else how lonely it is.  Not even Scott.  He wouldn’t understand.  But I think you can, maybe.  You at least know what it’s like to miss someone.  But I can still see my mom.  I can visit her in the hospital if I want, so that’s good.  I just wish she was at home instead of in the hospital.

Whenever I visit her, she tells me stories from when she was young like me.  She tells me about when she got her Letter.  She told me that her dad made the box for the letters she wrote.  The one that is yours now.  She told me that she wants to meet you.  Well technically she said she wants to meet the young man who is going to receive the box her father made, but that means you.  She keeps reminding me to take good care of the box, as if that’s not what I’m going to do.  As if, she won’t be around to make sure I am.  She’s not going anywhere else is she?  I mean, having her in the hospital is bad enough.  I hope she doesn’t go anywhere farther than that.

Anyway, you should come to meet me soon, so then you can meet my mom too! I really, really want to meet you.  So come back soon, okay?

Your soul mate,

Stiles Stilinski

* * *

 

Stiles sealed the envelope and stuck it in his backpack.  He slung it across his back as he walked towards his mother’s room.  He saw the doctor leaving which meant he was allowed to visit now that her appointment was over.  As he approached the room, he heard his father’s voice.

“Should we tell him, Claudia?”

“We can’t hide it forever, John.  He has to know.”

Stiles stopped just outside the door, realizing his parents were talking about him.  He leaned into the frame, listening close.

“But he doesn’t have to hear this right now, does he?  I don’t want to worry him.”

“He’s our son, he’ll worry whether we want him to or not.  This is something I think he should hear.”

“He’s only twelve, Claudia.  How will he take this?  Will he understand?”

“He’s not as little as he used to be, John.  His mother is lying in a hospital, dying.  I don’t want to lie or hide this from him.  It doesn’t feel right, especially at the end of my life.”

“The doctor was wrong.  You aren’t dying, Claudia.  You’ll get better.”  His father sounded like he was trying to reassure himself despite knowing it wasn’t true. 

“You heard what the doctor said as well as I did, John.  I’m not going to magically get better.  He said I’m probably never going to leave this hospital.  That doesn’t sound very hopeful.”

“I know, I know.”  His father’s voice broke.  “I just don’t want our son to have to deal with this on his own.  He’s so young, Claudia.”  He pleaded with his wife. 

“He won’t have to manage on his own, not when he has a wonderful father like you.”  His mother’s voice was soft and understanding. 

Stiles slid down the wall outside the hospital room.  He didn’t want to believe what he was hearing.  His mom wasn’t dying.  She couldn’t be.  It was impossible.  Completely impossible.  He heard his father pacing around the room, but he couldn’t focus on what he was saying anymore.  He had to get out of the hospital.  Go somewhere else, anywhere else.  He slowly stood up and wandered toward the exit.

The next thing he knew, Stiles was outside Scott’s house.  He knew his best friend would let him cry without too many questions.  He climbed up the lattice work beneath Scott’s window, knocking on the glass.

“Dude, you know we have a front door, right?”

“Yeah, I don’t want my parents, or yours for that matter, to know where I am for a little while.”

“Ok. But why?”

“My mom’s dying Scott.  Like dead and buried, dying.” He could feel the tears running down his face. “She can’t do that.  She can’t really be dying, can she Scott?”

His friend didn’t say anything, but just engulfed him in a hug and let him cry.

So he cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments or suggestions are always appreciated!
> 
> You also can find me on Tumblr under the name cindymity.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Derek,

I’m lonely.  Can I write to you when I’m lonely?  I hope so.  You’re the only one I can talk to at the moment.  Well, write to.  Whatever, you get the drift.

You see, my mom isn’t around anymore.  She…dammit, I can’t even write it.  The funeral was last Monday.  That should explain what happened.  It’s not the same without her here.  It’s _quiet_.  It’s _too_ quiet.  It’s so quiet it’s almost _deafening_.  My dad hasn’t gone to work since then, but the house just feels empty.  He hasn’t spoken, not a single word, since the funeral.  I don’t think he’s even left the house.  He’s holed himself up in his study.  Seems like he’s just set up camp, like he’s getting ready for nuclear fallout or something.  I haven’t really seen him much.  He only comes out when his bottle is empty.  He just grabs another one, and goes back in.  Doesn’t he know I need him right now? 

The last time I saw him was on Tuesday.  He had just come out of his cave in order to replace his now empty bottle of probably alcohol.  He just kind of looked around at the house like he was lost before he went to find a box.  He came back and started shoving all of mom’s stuff into it.  All of her jewelry and artwork and notebooks and trinkets.  Everything.  It all went into a box and then away somewhere.  I’ve tried to find the boxes, but I don’t know where my dad put them.  I’ve looked everywhere but I can’t find them.

I want to read my mom’s letters.  The ones she wrote to my dad.  I want to know what she was like before she met my dad.  When she was young and healthy, not sick in a hospital bed.  Maybe I wouldn’t miss her so much if I could read her letters.  It would be like when she would tell me stories before she tucked me in for bed.  Or when she told me stories in the hospital while she still had the energy.  It would be like she was still here.  But I think my dad probably hid them with the rest of her stuff.  I’ve looked everywhere for those letters.  Nowhere.  Just like everything else, they’re just gone.  I tried to ask my dad about those letters, after he’d packed up all her things.  He looked at me like he was seeing a ghost, and maybe he was, in a way.  The only thing he said is that he wished he’d never opened his Letter when he was twelve, because then maybe he wouldn’t hurt so much.  Then he’d just turned and closed the door on me. 

I don’t know what to do, Derek.  I feel really alone.  My dad is avoiding everyone, not going to work, sitting in his study all day.  And I can only spend so much time with Scott.  I’ve climbed in his window a lot this week.  He always lets me in without question and lets me cry, or sleep, or hug or whatever.  He really is a great friend.  But he’s away with his dad.  So I can’t go over there tonight.  I feel pathetic, relying on Scott like this.  Just a loser who can’t spend one weekend without his only friend.  I have to be stronger, have to be able to take care of myself. 

But you understand, don’t you, Derek?  You probably know how this feels.  I lost my mother, and you did too.  You know what it’s like to lose people.  People who can’t come back, no matter how much you want them too.  But you lost your entire family, not just your mom.  Does that make it worse?  It probably does.  I don’t think I could handle losing my dad too.  It’s bad enough just losing my mom.  I couldn’t deal with being on my own. 

You know, Derek, I didn’t believe the doctors at first.  I was just watching mom sleep, listening to the machines beep.  And then the machine stopped beeping.  A bunch of doctors and nurses came rushing, herding me out into the hall.  I didn’t want to let go of her hand, but they made me leave.  They asked me to go wait for my dad in the lobby.  I’m not stupid.  I knew what happened.  She had just slipped away, right through my fingertips.  I didn’t believe it was true until my dad came in a little while later.  He rushed over to me, asking me what happened.  The doctors tried to lead him away, probably wanted to tell him what happened in private.  Away from the _child_ , like I’m not smart enough to know what’s going on. I’m thirteen for god’s sake not six.  But when I saw him walking away, just leaving me there alone, I couldn’t breathe.  It was like my lungs just stopped working.  The lobby wasn’t quite upright anymore, and it felt like I was drowning.  One of the nurses helped me.  She told me to keep breathing, helped me breathe with her.  I heard my dad ask what was happening, and they told us it was a panic attack.  I’d never had one before then.  I had another one after the funeral.  It’s scary, Derek.  Not being able to breathe.  But that’s kind of how it feels all the time right now.  When she’s not here. 

I wish Scott was home.  I wish my mom wasn’t dead.

Your Soul Mate

-Stiles Stilinski 

 

* * *

 

 

“Goodnight Mom, I’m going to bed!”  Scott calls over his shoulder as he open the door into his bedroom.  He doesn’t bother to turn on the light, just drops his backpack on the floor, kicks off his shoes, changes into whatever sweatpants are on the floor, and crawls into his bed.  Except that it’s already occupied.

“Jesus, Stiles.  You have to warn me when you’re coming over.  Good thing I left the window unlocked.”

Scott’s eyes adjust to the dark, and he realizes Stiles is already fast asleep.  He figures he shouldn’t wake him, since he probably can’t sleep on his own right now.  He just curls up with his best friend.  They’re cool like that; a little manly cuddling never hurt anyone.  Within minutes, he too is fast asleep.

Scott wakes up the next morning, blinking at the clock.  7:47. He hears his mom bustling around downstairs, probably getting ready for work.  If school were in session, he would be running to catch the bus, but since it’s summer he just lies there a little longer.  He just listens as she comes up the stairs to say goodbye.  She knocks quietly before peeking her head in the door.

“Bye Scott, I’m heading out…Is that Stiles?”

Scott had forgotten his best friend was still cuddled up next to him.  He looks at Stiles, and then back at his mom. 

“Yep.  He was here when I got back last night.”  Scott just shrugs.

“How did he get in?  Nevermind, it doesn’t matter.  Why is he here?  Rather, why was he here all night?”

“I’m not really sure.  I think he can’t sleep without someone there.”

“Well, let’s take him home.  His dad is probably worrying like crazy.”

Scott woke Stiles up and they both stumbles sleepily to the car in their pajamas.  Melissa starts off towards the Stilinski residence.  She parks in the driveway, walking Stiles up to the door.  He lets himself in with a key, expecting Melissa to leave once he’s in.  Instead, she and Scott follow him inside.

“Stiles, where is your father?”

Stiles just points to the study door.  “He hasn’t left since the funeral.  Except to get refills.”

“Refills?”

“Probably something alcoholic.  He doesn’t really want to talk to me, or anyone, I think.”

Melissa goes over to the door of the study and knocks on the door.

“John?  Can I come in?”  There’s no answer, so she tries the handle.  It opens.  She steps in and closes the door behind her.  Scott and Stiles just watch and flop down on the couch.

“What do you think they’re gonna talk about?”  Scott asks innocently.

“Me, probably.  And the alcohol.  And how he hasn’t gone to work.”

“Oh.”

“Yep.  While they’re in there, do you wanna help me make breakfast?”

“I don’t know how to do anything.”

“Just put some bread in the toaster.”

“I can do that.”

The boys set to work making a breakfast of toast and cereal and coffee for Stiles’ dad.  Eventually, the door to the study opens.  Stiles is surprised to see both adults emerge.  His dad goes straight for the coffee pot and pours himself a mug.  Everyone else munches on toast until Melissa announces that she and Scott are leaving.  Scott tries to complain, but she just glares at him until be bows his head and follows her out the door.

Stiles watches his dad finish his cup of coffee and pour another.  The sheriff sighs and looks up at his son.

“Hey kiddo.  How you doing?”

Stiles just stares at him blankly, like he’s an imbecile.  The sheriff sighs again.

“Alright.  Well.”  He doesn’t really know what to say.

“I missed you, dad.  I’m glad you’re back.”

The sheriff doesn’t know how to respond, since he technically didn’t go anywhere, so instead he offers a suggestion.

“Let’s go visit your mother, okay kiddo?  It’s been a while since we saw her.”

“Ok.  But I get to pick out the flowers.”

“Sure.”

And with that, the two Stilinski men headed to visit their wife and mother for the first time since she was buried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Any comments and suggestions are always appreciated.
> 
> Also, I have to mention that this chapter was significantly harder to write and it probably would not exist without the help of my roommate, angeljr777. She let me talk her to sleep about ideas, helped me get into the head of an ADD thirteen-year-old, and proofread for stupid spelling errors from typing too fast. So yeah, thanks to her.


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Derek,

I am officially a high school student.  Whoop-di-doo.  Honestly, I was expecting it to be at least a little exciting.  It isn’t. 

Scott is still pretty much the only friend I have.  I thought I would make loads and loads of new friends in high school.  It didn’t happen.  These are all the same people I’ve been in school with since kindergarten, and they _still_ don’t want to be friends with me.  I don’t know what I was expecting.  I mean, who wants to be friends with the panic attack kid and his best friend, the asthmatic weirdo.  And it’s not like we’ve exactly changed since last year.  We’re the same losers, I just thought maybe somebody would find us loveable enough to befriend.  Guess not.

Speaking of Scott’s asthma, he decided to join the lacrosse team.  God knows why, he sucks at sports.  I mean, it’s not exactly helpful when you start wheezing in the middle of the game and have to go to the hospital.  He convinced me to join with him, probably so there’s someone to hold onto his inhaler for him.  Probably also so that there’s someone to talk to when he sits on the bench every single game.  He’s lucky I’m such a great friend.  Also, the coach is a nutcase.  He keeps yelling at some kid called Greenburg, but I’ve known these guys since elementary school.  I’m fairly certain (and by fairly, I mean absolutely) that there is not, nor has there ever been, someone named Greenburg in Beacon Hills High School.  Coach is a wacko.

So, I’m pretty sure high school is supposed to be harder than middle school.  So far, this has proved to be a lie.  The classes are way too easy.  And the teachers wonder _why_ I can’t pay attention.  They blame my ADHD, but there’s Adderall for that.  I know that it’s because I’m bored all the time.  The teachers just don’t appreciate my genius.  My geometry teacher told my dad I’m “unfocused” because I was doodling in my notebook during class.  But if he had been paying attention to the doodles, he would have noticed that I was drawing Fibonacci spirals and factorial triangles.  They were relevant to the class!  And he calls himself a geometry teacher.  But yeah, that’s how school is going so far.  It’s absolutely unimaginative.  I can’t wait until I’m allowed to take AP classes. 

Anyway, on a completely different note, I’m worried about my dad.  I’m always worried about my dad.  I don’t think I’ve told you, but he’s the Sheriff now!  Unfortunately, that means his job is a lot more dangerous now.  So I do what I can.  He doesn’t like it, but he eats really healthy now!  Whenever I make food, I always use the super duper healthy shit.  And I have eyes at the station, so he can’t sneak in any donuts or curly fries.  He is not going to have high cholesterol on my watch.  I don’t want to worry more than I absolutely have to, so I can’t have him having health issues on top of his dangerous, stressful job.  Dad’s been fighting tooth and nail, though.  He seems to think I’m being overprotective since we lost mom.  And maybe he’s right, but that doesn’t mean he’s getting out of this.  He’d have to fight me for it, and he knows he’d lose.

Changing subjects again, I went to your house last month.  Well, I went to what’s left of your house.  I wanted to see if there was anything left, besides the burnt husk of the actual house.  Sorry if that seem invasive or rude, but I was curious.  I didn’t even have to sneak out, either.  My dad doesn’t really care what I do in the summer, as long as it’s not dangerous or illegal.  Granted, going into your old house was probably both, but he doesn’t have to know the specifics of my trip onto the preserve.  I tried to bring Scott along, but he was too caught up in “training” for lacrosse.  He thought if he trained before the season, he would have a shot at actually playing.  I don’t think he factored his extreme asthma into that equation.  Anyway, he was being a butthead and didn’t want to come with me.  So I went there alone.  And dude, your old house is creepy as fuck.  There are holes in the floor and the ceiling looks like it about to cave in.  I’m kind of surprised I didn’t fall to my death or something.  Seriously, you should do something about that. 

Anyway, I was on my way out, cause I was not about to stay there and wait for the house to fall on me.  But there was this weird chick outside.  She looked kinda sad before she noticed me.  Then she just glared at me like I was some kind of delinquent.  Naturally, I had to defend my honor.  I asked her what she was doing there, since she didn’t really look like the type to explore creepy, burned up houses.  She said she used to know the people who lived (and died) there.  And apparently, asking her about you guys was the wrong thing to do.  She got all defensive, like I was going to hurt her babies or something.  She didn’t even have babies.  But whatever, I told her I just wanted to know about the people that survived.  She didn’t say anything, just stared at me harder, analyzing me.  Apparently, her analysis told her I was okay.  She told me about you.  Just little things, mostly things I already knew, from the Letter.  She also said she was going to visit your uncle.  Is he in the hospital or something?  She didn’t really want to stick around for very long, so I didn’t get to ask her.  She was a weirdo.  I told her as much.  She just laughed as she walked away.  Do you know who she is, Derek?

And with that, I’m going to bid you farewell.  I actually do have to finish homework. :(

Your soul mate,

 

Stiles Stilinski

 

* * *

 

Derek lay on his bed, trying to read while ignoring Laura’s loud music as she packed.  She was heading back to Beacon Hills for the week to visit Peter and stake our claim on the land.  He wished she didn’t have to go back alone. However, there was no way in hell that he was going to go back to Beacon Hills. Now she’s the alpha, one of her responsibilities is to make sure that Hale land stays theirs. But that doesn’t mean he has to like her leaving.

He looked up when he heard a knock on his door, seeing Laura.  She sauntered in, flinging herself on the end of his bed before he could protest. 

“What’s up, baby bro?”

“I could ask you the same thing.  Why are you invading my room? When you should be packing? And leaving?”

“You say that like I don’t know how much you’ll miss me.  Remember last year? I came back and you were--”

“Just tell me why you’re bothering me.”  Derek interrupted her before she could finish her thought.  He did _not_ want her bringing that back up.

“I remembered something from last year.  I met someone.”

“Ok?  Are you going to fill me in, or are you just going to continue being annoyingly vague?”

She sighed, looking around the room.  “It has to do with that.”  She pointed at the top shelf of Derek’s bookshelf. 

Derek knew immediately what she was referring to.  Displayed there, among the pictures of his family, was Derek’s Letter.  It was just the same as it had been when he’d received it so long ago.  He glared at Laura. 

“What about that?”  

“You know I’m not allowed to tell you anything.  At least, not more than I’ve already told you.”

“Was this person you met…?”

“The person in that Letter?”  Laura finished Derek question for him. “I think so.  Of course, I don’t know for certain.”

“Are you trying to get me to change my mind?”

“Sorta, yeah.  Is it working?”

“No.  I made up my mind about that, and I’m not going to change just because you supposedly met that person.”

“Derek, you don’t have to do this to yourself.  No one blames you for what happened.  Our family’s death has nothing do to with your Letter.”

“I’m not changing my mind, Laura” He snapped.

“Well, it was worth a shot.  I’m gonna go finish packing.”

“Also turn down the music.  It’s annoying.”

 “Now that I know it bothers you, absolutely not.”  She smiled evilly at him on her way out.  The music got louder.

Derek sighed, looking back at the bookshelf.  The Letter sat there, right at the front.  He’d never opened it.  And he was never going to.  When he was a cocky twelve year old brat, he thought he would be able to tell when he met his supposed soul mate. That’s what his parents did.  They had met before their twelfth birthdays, and they knew they were soul mates from that moment.  He figured he would be the same.  So he never bothered to open his Letter.   

When he was fifteen, he’d met his first girlfriend.  He’d known he wasn’t her soul mate, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t loved her.  She hadn’t met the person in her letter yet.  He’d tried to give her the gift he had, the bite.  She said she wanted to be beautiful and confident when she met her soul mate.  The bite was one way to give her that confidence.  It hadn’t gone too well.  He now had to bear the guilt of her death, which really had been his fault.  Now she would never meet her real soul mate, and Derek was to blame.

When he was sixteen, he _thought_ he’d met his soul mate.  Her name was Kate.  She seemed so perfect, beautiful and confident and smart.  She’d told him he should forget about Paige’s death and get on with his life.  She made him feel free from the burden of his guilt.  He’d thought she was The One.  He was dead wrong.  She’d burned his family alive once he’d given her the chance.  He’d escaped the inferno with his sister and uncle.  He went to see her while Laura tried to heal Peter.  She laughed in his face.  Told him he was an idiot for never opening his Letter. 

_“Oh Derek, you didn’t really think I was your soul mate, did you?  Poor baby.  You were the perfect target.  You never opened your Letter, like the cocky animal you are.  You wouldn’t know it was all a lie.”_

_Derek felt his fangs extend from his gums as a growl grew in his throat._

_“Oh, don’t growl at me.  You really should have known from the beginning, it’s not my fault that you were too full of yourself to realize that a hunter would_ never _date a werewolf no matter how perfect your ass is.  You see, I don’t have a soul mate.  The Letter I received when I was twelve was blank.  Just a white piece of paper with a small note that said they were unable to match me.  I’m never going to find that kind of happiness, so why should I let monsters like you and your family be happy?”_

_Derek’s growl grew into a full-blown roar.  Kate just smiled.  She pulled out her gun and shot him in the stomach._

_“I’m going to leave you and your sister alone for now, if only to make it look more like an accident.  Go ahead and try to get your revenge. However you’ll only end up dead, just like the rest of your family.”_

Derek shook the echo of her voice from his ears as he continued to stare at the unopened Letter on his bookshelf. After Kate he had resolved to never open it.  He didn’t deserve the happiness of a soul mate.  He’d been too stupid to know the woman he loved was just using him, and had gotten his whole family killed for it. All because he hadn’t opened that damned Letter. 

Laura had always thought he was just wallowing in his misery, which, granted, he was.  But she had never realized why he couldn’t open the Letter.  She always tells him he deserves to find happiness even though their family was gone.  He deserves to move on with his life, so she kept pestering him to open it.  Derek could never bring himself to tell her the truth about that fire.  

“Derek, I’m ready to go!  Can you drive me to the airport?”  Laura’s voice pulled him from his brooding. He grunted and turned toward the door knowing Laura could hear him.

He drove her to the airport, saying his goodbyes.

“It’s only a week, so don’t worry too much while I’m gone.  I’ll be back before you know it, baby bro.”  Laura said as she pulled him into a hug before heading into the airport.

She never came back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and suggestions are always appreciated!
> 
> Once again, this chapter would probably suck without the help of my wonderful roommate, anjeljr777.
> 
> Also, come talk to me on Tumblr! cindyminty.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Derek,

Guess what?  Scott’s a werewolf.  I guess you probably know that by the time you read this, but at the moment, it’s new.  And it’s awesome…not.

So a couple nights ago my dad was on-call as usual, since he’s the Sheriff and all.  Usually, nothing happens, so he just comes home.  But last night, he got called in.  For the first time since he’s become sheriff.  He left in a hurry, so obviously something exciting was happening in our little town.  I hacked my dad’s computer (don’t give me that look, it’s only illegal if I get caught) and discovered I was right!  It was exciting!  Someone found a body.  Well, half a body.  So, of course I went to get Scott to help me look.  Turns out, that wasn’t such a good idea.  Long story short, I got caught by my dad and Scott found the body.  But of course, Scott didn't just find the body; he had to get bitten by a werewolf in the process. 

He had this huge bandage on his side the next morning, so I just thought he’d fallen or something, and that he was trying to sound cool by saying he was bitten by something.  I know Scott doesn’t exactly use all of his brain, but if he’d been bitten by something, you’d think he would have told his mom, who is a nurse, and then gotten rabies shots or something.  Not just put a gigantic bandage on it.  I mean, that’s just common sense.  Even if he didn't want to get caught, safety first.  I didn't really think he’d been bitten by a wolf, so I didn’t connect the dots to him being a werewolf until later. 

And by later, I mean in the woods after lacrosse tryouts.  He was totally amazing at the tryouts, way better than he had ever been, especially with his asthma.  He had dragged me out to where we were the night before, saying he lost his inhaler.  Speaking of which, he really shouldn’t have gone to practice without his inhaler.  He was amazing, but that’s just dangerous.  Anyway, on the way out there, he was telling me about all the things he could suddenly do now, from hearing conversations on the other side of a busy hallway to smelling the gum in my pocket.  He didn’t believe me when I told him.  He thought I was just joking.  Haha, sorry Scott, it wasn’t a joke.  And you probably remember what happened after that, since that’s when you decided to be a creep and show up. 

…

_“I could’ve sworn this was it.  I saw the body, dropped my inhaler…” Scott knelt down in the leaves, searching for his lost inhaler._

_“Maybe the killer moved the body,” Stiles said nonchalantly.  He was only here in order to help Scott search for the damn thing.  He’d been sent home before Scott found the body, which was no longer here._

_“If he did, I hope he left my inhaler.  Those things are like 80 bucks.”  Scott continues searching through the leaves.  He doesn’t notice when a man dressed in all black appears between the trees._

_But Stiles does._

_Oh does he notice. How can he_ not _notice that sexy hunk of man beast walking out of the forest?  This guy was the_ definition _of tall dark and handsome (and mysterious)._

_And then he started talking._

_“What’re you doing here?”  The man walks toward them, huffing. “Huh?  This is private property.”_

_Wow, rude much. This dude was HOT with a capital H, but he was kind of an asshole._

_“Sorry man, we didn’t know.”  Stiles provides._

_“We were just looking for something.  It doesn’t matter…”  The man throws an inhaler at Scott, who somehow manages to catch it.  The man just glares at them as he turns and walks back into the trees.  The boys stare after him._

_“C’mon man, I have to get to work.”  Scott starts walking past Stiles.  Stiles’ brain, which had been committing tall, dark, and handsome’s ass to memory, starts working again.  Then it hits him.  He flings out an arm to stop Scott._

_“Dude that was Derek Hale.”  Derek. Hale.  It hits him like a freight train.  This was Derek Hale.  Scott notices his pause._

_“Derek Hale?” he prompts Stiles to explain._

_Don’t you remember? He’s only like a few years older than us.”  Stiles stalls.  He isn’t sure he should tell Scott what’s really on his mind right now.  Especially here in the middle of the woods._

_“Remember what?”_

_“His family… They all burned in a fire like 10 years ago.”_

_“What do you think he’s doing back?” Scott asks._

_“I don’t know.”  He really didn’t.  Derek had been missing from Beacon Hills since the fire.  What would make him come back now?  Surely it wasn’t Stiles. Otherwise he would’ve come back before now.  So what was it?  He continued thinking and worrying the whole way home.  It wasn’t until the next day that he put it together._

…

In other news, Scott found his soul mate today.  She just transferred into our school; apparently she travels around a lot.  Her name’s Allison.  He told me _all_ about her, since he’s allowed to now.  She’s a pretty normal person, despite how often she has to move because of her dad’s work.  He didn’t know who she was until the teacher introduced her to the class, when he heard her name.  But now that he knows who she is, he’s even more paralyzed than he usually is with girls.  He just kind of watches her from across the hall, telling me who she talks to and what they talk about.  While we were in class a couple days ago, he said he could hear her from outside due to his new “skills.”  She is obviously waiting for him to make a move.  He needs to stop creeping and get his shit together.  (Update:  In the time since I wrote this part of the letter, Scott has informed me that Allison invited him to a party.  Good to know one of them has some balls.)

But anyway, dude, why did you come back to Beacon Hills?  Everyone around here knows why you left, your family’s untimely demise, but what would make you come back?  And why were you wandering around in the woods?  I mean, you told us it was private property, so I’m assuming it was your land, but what was the point of just wandering around?  Unless you were looking for the body (well, the other half of the body) also.  But why would you be doing that?  Was it because it was on your property?  I don’t understand why you would come back to Beacon Hills just to look for a dead chick that may or may not have been on your property. 

Plus, you were super creepy.  I hope you know that.  It was super hot, all dark and broody with those sassy eyebrows and dark leather, don’t get me wrong.  But you were still creepy.  Just appearing out of the woods all of a sudden, saying like two words, and then disappearing.  Plus, tossing Scott his inhaler?  Really?  I realize you probably knew we were looking for it, since you could probably hear our conversation, but it was really unnecessary to throw it at him.  I swear there are way less creepy ways you could have handled that situation.

Ok so I’m ending the letter now.  Bye.

Your Soul Mate

Stiles Stilinski

 

* * *

 

 

Stiles was just sealing the letter when Scott came into his room.  He casually placed it into the box while Scott took in the papers all over the floor. 

“Dude, how much Adderall have you had today?”

“A lot? Doesn’t matter.  Ok, just listen.”

“Is this about the body?  Did they find out who did it?”

“No, they’re still questioning people, even Derek Hale…” Stiles trailed off.  He isn’t sure if he should tell Scott yet.  He just met Derek yesterday, and they hadn’t even spoken.  Was he allowed to tell anyone yet?

“The guy in the woods that we saw the other day?”

“Yeah, I’ll get to that in a minute.”  Stiles figured he should start with the werewolf stuff.  It was a little more important.  To Scott.  “But remember that joke from the other day?  I wasn’t joking.”

Scott gives him a confused look, obviously not following.

“The wolf, the bite in the woods.  I’ve done all this reading… Do you know why a wolf howls?”

“Should I?”

“It’s a signal, when a wolf is alone, it howls to signal its location to the rest of the pack.  So if you heard a wolf howling, that means there were probably more nearby.  A whole pack of ‘em.”

“A whole pack of wolves?”

“No. Werewolves.”

“Dude, are you seriously wasting my time with this?  You know I’m picking Allison up in an hour.” Scott gets up to leave, but Stiles pushes him back.

“I saw you on the field today, Scott.  What you did wasn’t just amazing, alright?  It was impossible.”

“Yeah, so I made a good shot.”

“No, you have an incredible shot.  The way you moved, your reflexes!  People can’t just do that overnight!  And there’s the vision, and the senses, and don’t think I don’t notice you don’t need your inhaler anymore.”  Scott needed to understand that this wasn’t just some random occurrence.  There is a significant reason for his new-found awesomeness.

“Ok!  Dude, I can’t think about this right now.  We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow!  No, dude, don’t you get it?  The full moon’s tonight!”  This is dangerous stuff, Scott!  Stiles just wanted to scream at him to understand.  He can be so dense sometimes. 

“What are you trying to do?  I just made first line, I’ve got a date with a girl who I can’t believe is my soul mate; everything in my life is somehow perfect!  Why are you trying to ruin it?” Scott is starting to get angry.  Stiles wonders if he maybe shouldn’t drop the whole Derek thing on Scott today.

“I’m trying to help.  I’ve had all this research for ages!  I know all the signs, I should have been able to tell sooner.  I just didn’t think it’d be you that I saw them on.”  Oh god, here we go.  Stiles couldn’t back out now. 

“What signs?”

“The signs that someone’s a werewolf.”  It was all true, though.  Stiles had done this research years ago.  He knew just about everything the internet could tell him about werewolves.  After all, it had some relevance to his life. 

“Wait, did you say you’ve had this research for ages?  Why?”

“Well, to be exact, I did this research four years ago.  If that answers your question.”  Stiles knew he was beating around the bush.  He just didn’t know how to come out and say it.  It was easier to let Scott figure it out on his own. 

“No that doesn’t answer my question.  Four years ago?  Why would you have been researching werewolves when we were twelve?”  Scott pauses and Stiles can almost see the wheels turning in his brain.  “Wait, when we were twelve…”

“Yeah.”  Wait for it, he’s almost there…

“So then, your Letter?”  Ding, ding, ding! Fifty points to Scott!  He figured it out!

“Yep.  There was certain information in that Letter that led me to want to research werewolves as much as possible.”

“But why are you telling me?  Isn’t that sorta confidential?”  God, Scott could be a dumbass sometimes.  “Unless…you’ve met them?” There it is.  Took him a minute.

“Yes, Scott, I’ve met him.”

“And you didn’t tell me!  I told you the moment I met Allison!”  Really, that’s what Scott chose to focus on?  Not that fact that the person in Stiles’ letter was a werewolf, but that Stiles didn’t tell Scott they met. 

“Well, we just met him yesterday.  There wasn’t exactly time to say ‘Hey Scott, remember that creepy guy we met in the woods?  Yeah, he’s my soul mate.’  You were kinda busy with lacrosse and Allison.”

“Oh.  Wait, it’s Derek Hale?  The creepy guy in the woods?”

“I said I’d get to that.  Yep, he’s a werewolf, and also my supposed soul mate.”  There, he’d said it.  Stiles had officially let the metaphorical cat (or wolf!) out of the metaphorical bag.  It sounded weird, saying it out loud.  Derek was this creepy guy they’d seen in the woods, and yet he was also Stiles’ soul mate.  Stiles knew so much about him, but he’d only seen him once.  Stiles mind was racing with these sorts of thoughts. 

“But what does this have to do with me?”  That snapped him out of his Derek-filled thoughts.  Scott sat back down on the bed, looking like he was trying to piece together a complicated jig-saw puzzle.

“Scott, you’re a werewolf too, which is why everything’s been so perfect for you lately.  But tonight is the full moon, and you’re cursed.  You have to cancel that date with Allison.”

“What?  No!  Even If I’m a werewolf, I can’t just cancel a date with the girl of my dreams!  I’ve been waiting for this since we were twelve! I’m going to that party.”  Scott insisted.  Stiles really did understand why Scott wanted to go so badly, but that didn’t stop it from being a bad idea.

Stiles dodged his way around Scott to the backpack on the bed, pulling our Scott’s phone. 

“Wait, what are you doing?”  Scott asked.

“Uh, cancelling your date.”  Stiles started typing out a text on the phone.  Next thing he knew, he was pushed up against the wall with Scott’s arm on his throat and a fist aimed at his face.

Instead of actually throwing that punch, though, Scott just knocked over Stiles’ chair.  He looks at Stiles, stammers out an apology and leaves to get ready for that party.  Stiles knows he shouldn’t let Scott go, but he’s to shocked at the moment to really do anything.

Scott’s already long gone when Stiles picks up the chair and sees the claw marks ripped up the back.

“Shit” was all that came out before Stiles took off after Scott, hoping to intercept him before he caused too much trouble at the party.

He was just a little bit too late. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long! Between the start of a new semester and a little bit of writer's block, this chapter did not want to be written. But I prevailed. With the help of my roommate, angeljr777, of course.
> 
> I case anyone was wondering, some of the dialogue in this chapter is actual dialogue from the show. Sorry if that was confusing or anything. 
> 
> I'm on Tumblr if anyone is interested. cindyminty,tumblr.com.
> 
> Feel free to leave any comments, questions, suggestions, etc.


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Derek,

Why are you so weird?  I know you’ve got your issues, like having your whole family burn alive, your sister being murdered, and hunters coming into town, just to name a few, but that really doesn’t excuse your general lack of people skills.  I get that you’re trying to help Scott, but you’re kinda creeping us both out.  I mean, the only place Scott knows to find you is the burnt out husk that used to be your house, which is really creepy and generally unfit for living.  And when you give him advice, it really doesn’t improve your image to tell him information won’t come for free and then not tell him what you actually want.  Just gotta go for the super helpful and enlightening, “you’ll find out.”  Cool, Derek.  Not creepily vague at all.  And then topping off the “I want to help you” vibe is throwing Scott down the stairs instead of actually using words to clear up his little misunderstanding.  It would have worked out fine if you had just _told_ Scott about the Alpha and that you want help finding him.  Thanks for sharing that little tidbit with us just now, not like we could have used it a long-ass time ago to maybe not get you arrested or think you’re evil this whole time?  Nope, apparently calm, logical thinking doesn’t fly for Derek Hale.

Thank you for allowing me to rage, since you can’t actually respond to this letter.

-Stiles Stilinski

 

* * *

 

 

Fuckity fucking fuck.  Those were the only words to describe this situation.  Stiles has Derek in his car, looking like death itself is coming to play.  Scott’s heading over to Allison’s house to “study”/ figure out what kind of bullet will help Derek.  But in all likelihood, he’ll end up just “studying” once Allison distracts him with her womanly charms.  Stiles knows that Scott and Allison just found each other, and have decided to act on their Letters and try to start a relationship, but they really need to get out of their honeymoon phase.  Just because they found their respective soul mate, doesn’t mean it needs to be top priority all the time.  His fears are confirmed when the only thing he gets in reply to his text to Scott:

_Did you find it yet?_

is this:

_Need more time._

That means either Scott truly hasn’t found it yet, or he’s not even really looking.  Stiles bets he probably isn’t even looking, considering he’s with Allison.  At her house.  Alone. 

And now Derek is being difficult because (on top of bleeding out in Stiles beloved Jeep) apparently Stiles can’t take him to his creepy-ass house. For real?

“I can’t take you to your own house?” 

“Not when I can’t protect myself.”  Derek retorts.  Still trying to be the cool guy, sassing him even when he’s freaking dying IN STILES’ CAR!!

“What happens if Scott doesn’t find your little magic bullet?  Hmm?  Are you dying?”  Stiles knew the answer to the last question, seeing as he’d done the research years before.  He knew Derek had been shot with wolfsbane.  That was the only substance (he knew of) that could do this to a werewolf. 

“Not yet.  I have a last resort.”  What on earth was Derek talking about?  Stiles knew how to cure wolfsbane poisoning (it was poisoning, right? And not an infection or something?) and that required more wolfsbane.  Which Scott was getting.  Unless Derek had some on hand?  But then why did he bother to send Scott off?  What did Derek mean by a last resort?

“What do you mean? What last resort?”  He figured it was probably best just to ask, since his brain was already on overdrive. 

Stiles’ earlier fears were once again confirmed when Derek peeled his shirt sleeve off the gaping bullet wound in his arm.  Oh god, that was gross.  And terrifying.  But mostly gross.  Stiles told Derek as much. 

“Start the car.  Now,” was all he got in return. 

Stiles knew he was probably letting his mouth get ahead of him, but this was really freaking him out!  Derek was still trying to be the super-scary werewolf despite his gaping wound and deathly pallor.  Stiles probably shouldn’t have given in to the provocations, but like he said, his mouth was getting ahead of him.  He knew he was only venting his frustrations and fears at Derek, which wasn’t helping one bit, but he couldn’t stop.  Fear makes him sarcastic.  He can’t help it.  So of course he threatens to drag Derek into the street and leave him for dead.  Because that’s what everyone does when their supposed soul mate is bleeding out in their car.  Right.

“Start the car, or I’m gonna rip your throat out.  With my teeth.”  And there was Derek threatening him again.  He supposes he kind of deserved it for threatening Derek not a moment before.  But he can’t let Derek think he actually scares him, so he waits a moment as if he’s thinking about it before he finally starts the car. 

Of course, Scott is proving to be completely useless when it comes to finding the bullet.  He says he got distracted, which probably means he was making out with Allison, and then he got invited to dinner.  Doesn’t Scott know that while he’s wasting time eating dinner with Allison’s family, Stiles’ own supposed soul mate is suffering from wolfsbane poisoning and potentially dying right in front of him?  The only useful thing he’s done all night is tell Stiles to take Derek to the animal clinic.  ‘Cause that means Derek can bleed all over the tables instead of Stiles’ car.  He hands the phone to Derek, who proceeds to threaten Scott until he agrees to keep searching for the bullet (as if he was searching in the first place). 

Stiles leaves them to it and drives towards the animal clinic.

They arrive and thankfully the place is deserted, just like Scott said.  He manages to find the key and half carries Derek into the clinic.  He flips the lights and they hum above him as Derek starts reexamining his wound.  Stiles is freaking out internally, which means he tries to downplay everything by saying the injury probably isn’t as bad as it looks and that it might be better in the morning.  Derek just ignores his input.

“If the infection reaches my heart, it’ll kill me,” he breathes. 

“Positivity just isn’t in your vocabulary, is it?” Stiles snarks back at him.  Sarcasm is one of his coping mechanisms, okay?  And the other one is blatantly ignoring or minimizing the problem, which Derek isn’t letting him do.  It’s really stressing him out.  Of course that’s when Derek decides to stress him out even more. 

“If Scott doesn’t get here with the bullet in time…last resort.”

“Which is?”  Stiles isn’t sure he wants to know. 

Derek holds up a bone saw.  “You’re gonna cut off my arm.”

 

* * *

 

 

 Dear Derek,

I hate you _so_ much. I’m not kidding, I seriously hate you.  I hate you more than I hate Joffrey (okay I maybe not that much, but you get the point).  If you hadn’t just almost died, I would kill you. Because you are a giant douche-canoe for scaring me like that.  For real.  I’m pissed at you right now. 

For starters, you almost died!  And I haven’t even had a chance to do anything yet!  I don’t know if you just don’t care about what your Letter said or what, but that is unacceptable.  I at _least_ have to have a chance.  So dying is out of the picture.  And we need you to help Scott and to catch the alpha, so no dying allowed.  Period.  Don’t even try or I will resurrect you and then kill you myself.

Next, you are not allowed to force me to make a decision like that!  It is not okay to inflict emotional trauma like that on Stiles!  You made me choose between letting my soul mate die or forcefully inflicting permanent damage on him (YOU!).  I was not emotionally prepared to make that decision, and I don’t think I will ever be.  And that’s not even including the life of nightmares I would have to deal with at the sight of a severed limb and a bleeding stump.  I can feel a panic attack coming on even as I’m writing this, and I’m just imagining it!  You don’t understand just how relieved I was when Scott _finally_ showed up with that damn bullet.  He saved me from a life of trauma, dude.  So, in summary, you are not allowed to die or ask Stiles to maim you.  Actually, you should just avoid dangerous situations altogether.  Ignore your inner beast and live like a normal, civil, safe person.  Please and Thank You.

While I’m thinking of Scott, he’s been a total asswipe lately.  He’s utterly failed to uphold his end of the best friend bargain.  I’m almost madder at him than I am at you, since it’s partially his fault I had to deal with all that stress/trauma in the first place.  He just dumped you on me and took off with Allison.  I realize that he had to at least go to her house to find the bullet, but he could have hurried that up a little bit instead of taking his sweet time.  I know she’s his soul mate and everything, so he wants to spend time with her and doesn’t want to insult her family by turning them down, but that doesn’t mean he gets to forget about everything else. 

I’ve been his best friend since forever, but with all this werewolf crap in addition to the finding his soul mate crap, it’s like I’m not even on his radar anymore.  I was watching my soul mate die!  And he was casually eating pie as if nothing was wrong with the world.  It’s just, I used to be towards the top of his world, and now I’m thrown by the wayside, apparently just supposed to hang on until he has the time to take a break from making out with Allison to come help me save my own soul mate.  I haven’t actually really talked with my soul mate yet, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less frightening when he’s dying right in front of me.  I just wish Scott could get out of his own head, and see that I kind of need him right now.

(That’s right; I’m man enough to admit I need a bro hug.)

Anyway, I was kind of wondering about something.  Scott told me about your trip to see your uncle in the hospital; he said that the Argents were the ones who burned down your house, so that’s frightening   He also told me what Allison said about her aunt Kate.  She said that Kate used to live in Beacon Hills.  So I did some (maybe illegal) research, and found out that Kate moved out of her apartment in Beacon Hills right after your family burned.  Scott is too slow to piece this together, but is it possible Kate was the one to burn it?  I’m really sorry if this brings up some bad feelings or memories or something, but I’m really curious.  I found a thread and now I can’t seem to stop following it.  No wonder you hate the Argents so much. 

Remember: Don’t die. 

-Stiles Stilinski

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> I apologize for taking so long, but the next chapter should be coming soon (hopefully)! As usual, I had help from my roommate, Angeljr777. 
> 
> I'm on Tumblr if anyone is interested. [cindyminty.tumblr.com](www.cindyminty.tumblr.com).
> 
> Feel free to leave any comments, questions, suggestions, etc.


	7. Chapter 7

Hey Asshole (a.k.a. Derek),

Hey, Hi, Hello. So, I’m kind of freaking out right now. Because you are a jackass. For real, you are not allowed to just die, especially right after I _specifically_ told you not to. No matter that I told you in a letter you have never read. AND THEN, you leave us to fend for ourselves in a school late at night against an alpha werewolf. And to top it all off, your car just had to mysteriously disappear from the parking lot. If you weren't dead right now, I would punch you in the face. Just an FYI. (Also, until I actually have proof that you're dead, I will continue operating under the assumption that you are just faking, and so will continue writing letters.)

Cool, so, yeah. I’m currently sitting outside Scott’s door, listening to his screams. And let me tell you, it’s _super_ awesome. I kind of sort of handcuffed him to a radiator. So that happened. And now I’m sitting in his hallway, listening to his screams and taunts, trying to get me to let him out. Which isn’t happening. No way, no how. But he’s trying to rile me up; telling me terrible things about you and everyone he knows I care about. He’s telling me about all the times he’s fought you, beaten you up. I know it’s just the moon driving him crazy, but it’s driving me crazy too. He knows exactly what to say that hurts the most. This is excruciating, Derek. Why did Scott have to get bitten? He’s becoming this amazingly popular guy, star player on the lacrosse team, dating his hot soul mate, suddenly the king of high school. But then this shit happens of the full moon? There’s no way it’s worth it. It’s driving him crazy!

Oh god, Derek, now Scott’s pleading with me. He sounds so desperate. I’ve never been particularly strong when it comes to Scott pleading with me. He sounds like someone’s about to kill a kitten or something. Why did you have to be such a shitty teacher about werewolf stuff that I have to take care of Scott when he becomes like this? He knows exactly what to say to make it hurt, and that’s exactly what it does. It hurts, Derek, it _stings_. He’s pleading like I’m torturing him; stealing his soul. I don’t think I can do this. I shouldn’t _have_ to do this. If you weren’t so useless when it comes to werewolf crap, this would be your job. I wouldn’t have to see my best friend fall so far from the Scott I’ve always known.

And the thing is, I know that this isn’t really Scott talking. It’s the moon driving Scott crazy. I _know_ that. And I know I’m not the worse off between me and Scott. He had to deal with actually being a werewolf, not just being the friend of a werewolf. I know he has to deal with his new killing instincts as well as his girlfriend’s hunter family that is out to kill him on top of school and other shit. I know in my head that he’s got it worse than me. But I’m still dying here, Derek. I’ve only got two people who actually care about me in the whole world, and now one of them is a werewolf. I scared out of my mind that he might kill someone, especially since that someone could be me or my dad. I’ll never tell him this, but he terrifies me right now. Even with the heart monitor training, he’s still so volatile. Literally anything could set him off, and then I’m either chasing after him in an attempt to prevent him from killing someone, or trying not to get killed myself. But luckily, he will never find out about any of this, right Derek? That’s why I write you these things. I’m not sure if you’ll ever read them, but I can be certain Scott never will. He’d never (willfully) read something intended for someone’s soul mate. Cause that’s what you are, right? Even if you’ve never acknowledged me that way?

Whatever, Scott’s room is suspiciously quiet now. I think I should go check on him. Thanks for letting me ramble about my problems for a bit, I guess.

-Stiles

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> Sorry it's been forever since I added anything. I've had this on my computer for almost a year, but never uploaded it (it doesn't feel finished to me). But I figured I would add it now as a convenient way to tell you that it will be a long while before I update again. I am currently studying in Japan, which kind of takes up all my time and energy, so updating becomes the lowest thing on the priority list. Sorry. I will be back in the states come June, so hopefully I'll update again then. :)


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